The Days of Your Becoming
- erinclemonsyoga
- Dec 5, 2014
- 3 min read
On the eve of each birthday I set aside writing time to reflect on the year that has come to a close. As I recently celebrated my 29th, I couldn't help but look over the last decade of my life. The following is what poured out of me. I suppose it is a tribute of sorts to the days of my becoming...and insights I would share with those who are in the throes of their own journey. Sat Nam.
There is no end result, no finish line. Your victory is in your becoming - in your ability to trust the process. Peace is earned through looking fear in the face and stating, "I see you. I am willing to feel you, but I do not have to let you stay." Wisdom does not come without wounds, and gratitude not without loss. This is where you will learn to embody grace under fire, where you begin to forge quiet strength.
People will disappoint you, and worse still, you will disappoint yourself...time and time again. But the beauty is in the breaking and redemption is earned with each ragged breath, with each shaky footstep faltering onward. These cracks are how the light gets in.
Days will come when you question your value, your purpose, your abilities...even your capacity to endure. That is okay. These are the questions that shape your becoming; these are the questions which will remind you that you are alive. For each moment is a choice - a choice to particpate - or not, in this one precious life.
Moments will occur when anger sears your soul and the crushing blow of betrayal brings you to your knees. You will survive. Regret will fill you when you refuse to confront that which insults your soul, and at other times when you allow bitter words to choke past your lips. These will be lessons learned...when to speak up and when to let unsaid words slip through your fingers like sand.
Many will question your path, causing you to question yourself. Don't.
But because I know you will anyway, darling, just remember that it is in this scrutiny where you will find out how badly you want something. If other people can talk you out of it, your heart wasn't truly in it anyway. Hold out for what sets a fire in your soul, lighting you up from the inside out. This will be your purpose; protect it fiercely from the naysayers.
Boundaries will be tested, so you will learn to cast them wider and stand your ground even if your voice shakes. Your heart will be guarded and you will be terrified to relinquish control. This is okay too, for those who are meant to enter your realm will not attempt to breach your walls without invitation. All will leave footprints; some will leave behind smoldering wreckage in their wake. Love them anyway and release them from your life with grace, for they were placed along your path to serve the growth of your unbreakable spirit. Though you will grow wary of all who you encounter, don't be afraid to let the right ones in. These people will be your soulmates - members of your tribe - who will love you without conditions or restraint. Love them back.
Time will seem to elude you. Remember that the only moment you are ever guaranteed is the present one. There will come moments when you find yourself panicking about what your life "should" look like. Stay in your own lane; your path is yours and yours alone. Dreams will feel like gusts of wind, never quite tangible to your fervent grasps. Keep going anyhow. Life is unfolding as it should, conspiring in your favor. Always.
Trials will test you; you will have a choice to either dig in your heels and tighten your calloused grip, or to collapse under the weight of it all. Both instances will happen, and each response will have its respective time and place based upon where you're at in your journey.
Don't judge yourself for the days when you find yourself face down in the mud, for you will come to find that it is she who perseveres - she who is left standing in the arena despite barely being able to breathe...she will be the one who knows victory. She knows how to block out the jeering crowd and forge through pain, summoning one last ounce of strength to stand on wobbly limbs and lift her eyes to the skies above. For she is the one who senses the first warm rays of the sun before they even break through the clouds.
These are the days your becoming...
She who is.
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